Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
