I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
