Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
