At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
