Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
