hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
