He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
