last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
