I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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