Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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