Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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