oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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