if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
