I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You left your phone here
Wait...
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