She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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