I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
