my sisters under your porch take her home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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