Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
