I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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