No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
