Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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