is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
