I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
