If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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