not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
