I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
