using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
