So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
