I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
