That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
