You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
