omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I love you. Go after that dick
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