We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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