I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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