still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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