the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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