i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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