bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
