I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
