someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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