glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
