Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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