OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
