no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
