i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
