my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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