Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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