Can Purell be used as lube?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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