batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
