how can u be prego again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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