Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
