told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize