Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
