Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
