there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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