See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
don't judge my taste in strippers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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