My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
