Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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