Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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