He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
