No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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