so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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