when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
