You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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