btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagine was all disorganized.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
