I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize