She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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