when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
