that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
