You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
